The 8 Step Confidence Crash Course
Domonique Bertolucci
Domonique Bertolucci
Concise summary of tips to improve your confidence.
STEP 1: GIVE UP PERFECTION
Get comfortable with discomfort
Architecture for change
- Head space - Think
- Heart space - Feel
- Dynamic space - Action
Thoughts become feelings, be careful of your thoughts
Shift mindset - Give up perfection
Life is messy, nobody is perfect
You are enough, accept yourself
Be kinder to yourself
Mistakes = what you’ve done, not who you are
Set reasonable expectations for things you are good at / for things that are important in your life
Set** appropriate** expectations for things that you aren’t
“If you strive for perfection, you will never be happy, but if you focus on being happy, you won’t care about being perfect”
STEP 2: DO YOUR BEST
Channel your envy into inspiration
Difference between doing your best and being the best
There is no winning the competition of life - there is always someone who has more or done more
Work out what being your best is and focus on this
Instead of criticising self for things you don’t have, be inspired by it - what’s possible and what can be achieved
If someone else is doing it, it’s possible for you too
Change mindset from deflated to being motivated
Commit to doing the best - intentional about effort / time needed
Aim high, but get there with small consistent steps
Intention is the intersection of VISION and VALUES
Set clear intentions, the big picture, that individual goals are building towards
Feel more confident about where you spend your attention and effort
STEP 3: IMPRESS YOURSELF
Self worth / self belief
Feeling not good enough - important to catch early before it poisons your mind
Feeling not good enough is kryptonite to self confidence
Software analogy - Releases and versions, each are “good enough” however there’s another improved version on the way
Focus on benefits, not deficiencies
Failure is restrictive
Solution for fear of failure is to change mindset to fail fast and learn
Approach with “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”
“Fail fabulously” is better than succeeding with mediocrity
Create a list of things you are good at to remind yourself
STEP 4: EXPECT GOOD THINGS
Be intentional about life
Ask yourself, “What do you want to be able to say and how do you want to feel about it?”
Worrying = expecting things to go wrong
Feeling of fear, inadequacy, futility
Choosing not to worry is not about ignoring the situation, but rather where you decide to focus your thoughts, mental energy and attention
The only wrong decision is indecision
Make the “best decision” you can based on information you have “right now”
Don’t focus on what you did wrong, but focus on what you can do better next time
Explore worst case scenarios to put things into perspective
Balance expectations for things to turn out well with acknowledgment that not everything is within your control
This allows you to be resilient and not give up when things don’t go according to plan
Focusing on good outcomes gives best chance of making them happen
STEP 5: CHEER YOURSELF ON
How you think affects how you feel
Be your own cheerleader / you own fan
Silence your inner critic
Make a commitment to not speaking any harsher to yourself than you would if speaking to a small child - be encouraging so you don’t crush their (your) spirit
More self cheer = confidence growth
Positive affirmations
Power of words - what you say will become your reality
STEP 6: RISE TO THE CHALLENGE
“If you think you can or you think you can’t - you’re right” - Henry Ford
Fears = limiting beliefs
Acknowledge fear, but challenge yourself to move forward
“Your comfort zone is where your self confidence goes to die”
Put yourself first, stand up for yourself
Do the right thing, not the easy thing
STEP 7: SHINE YOUR LIGHT
No one can make you fell unworthy without your permission
Stop hiding your light - let it shine
Be the hero of your life, don’t be “waiting for a hero”
When you don’t invest in yourself (do the things you are meant to do) it sends a message to subconscious that it’s not worth it and you are not worth it
Keep commitments to self
Focus on the right things
Define who you want to be, what you are known for, what you want to be remembered for
If you don’t know the answer, it’s OK, you just don’t know the answer - YET
STEP 8: FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF
Think about how a loved one would describe you
“Make gratitude your attitude” a way of being
Think about values, the DNA of your soul
Live in alignment with your values - what matters most to you
Prioritise and protect, establish boundaries, use, “It’s important to me… because…”
Learn to forgive yourself, nothing is gained from self berating
Be kind to self, not harsh
“Hold yourself accountable, not hold yourself hostage”
Imagine what life would be like if you moved forward with complete confidence and total self belief
Claim this future, because the best way to build confidence and self belief is to take action
Image Credit: Audible